Unemployed Clown

You know what they call a clown without makeup? Weirdo. Nevada

The Reverse Hitler

Maybe if you stopped listening to “I Wanna Sex You Up” by Color Me Badd you would have noticed that awful patch of fur on your head. But I guess you deserve it for going to Drew Gooden’s barber in the first place. Unknown

Read It & Laugh

Hey Magic School Bus Lady! Don’t worry sugar, you won’t have to suffer through reading that boring newspaper much longer because our book, People of Walmart Shop & Awe, will be out September 7th!  Who knows, you might find yourself in it. Plus the print should be big enough that you don’t have to hold it [...]

Please Put Some Clothes On

There aren’t many times in a person’s life that they wish the black plague would return and just run a muck for a few weeks. Unfortunately for me, I think I’ve just hit that level. Ohio

Sugar Daddy

The difference between me and you? When I get my trophy wife, I’m shooting for 1st place not the second to last one who drunkenly stumbled across the line. Ohio

Pick Your Poison

I feel like I’m a kid again and my mom just told me I’m allowed to pick one thing…umm…ummm….okay. Okay. I’m gonna go withhhhhh…Oh! Oh! I’m gonna pick the gooshy back fat tat. It’s like a genuine tramp stamp because it stretches the entire back so you can’t miss it while trying to pick her [...]

Little Piggy

I guess this little piggy literally went to the market. Now if you don’t mind, while you’re eating roast beef, I’m gonna go wee wee wee all the way home! Florida

Now That?s The Stuff!

Did you know they say Twinkies would survive a nuclear apocalypse? Just an FYI. Now you have something to talk to that cute co-worker about…you’re welcome. Texas

Step Right Up!

As soon as we can find a sword-swallower and a lizard man to join the bearded lady here, I’m taking them all on tour to a city near you. Georgia